


Guillotine

by RipFandomTrash



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Bound Prisoners, Captured, Character Death, Gay, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Lance (Voltron), Icriedwhilewritingthis, Imaterribleperson, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Prisoners, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Soul bond/ Soul mates, Suicide, There'sprobablymorebutpleasebecareful, Torture, implied sex, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-10 22:52:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13511415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RipFandomTrash/pseuds/RipFandomTrash
Summary: Lance struggles with his homesickness and loneliness on the castle. How could a discovery on his self-mutilation bring a change for the best in his life?





	1. Beginning of the end.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Voltron or any of its characters. Please be careful and don't read if you're triggered by self harm, mutilation, torture and eventual death. This is finished but I'd like feedback as It's posted, it won't all go up at once. Yes, there were tears shed by myself during the writing of this. All feedback is welcome. I want to improve as best I can. ((It has been grammar checked but I am human, I may have missed some things.))

The Castle was quieter than usual. Almost to the point of being lifeless. No attacks had come in close to a week. Lance had been awake for hours, staring blankly at the ceiling. His thoughts ravaged his mind, tearing him apart to the very molecule. His cheeks were streaked with drying tears, new ones rolling down as he let his eyes close. His thigh throbbed dully, the fabric of his sleeping shorts long enough to cover the mutilations and dark enough to hide the red proof. Shifting onto his side, Lance slid the thin sheet of metal between his mattress and box spring before moving to a sitting position. Knowing that everyone else was still sleeping, the brown haired male made his way to the showers, bringing a towel with him.   
The warm water thrumbed over his back and shoulders, soothing until it ran over his thighs, the burn enough for him to whimper, a sound barely audible to even his own ears. Turning the water off, he wrapped his towel around his waist. Walking back to his room, his heart jumped to his throat as he heard a door open, followed by an eye rubbing Keith. 

\--------

Blinking a couple times as his eyes focused, Keith glanced over Lance’s still dripping, towel wrapped body, scowling momentarily. As his eyes went lower he blinked harder, believing the darker section was just water. Little could prove otherwise in the dark hallway as he stumbled towards the kitchen. His throat was parched and water was his main goal, maybe a small side of space goo.  
Grabbing a glass from the cupboard, he filled it with water, downing its contents within seconds. Rubbing his eyes once more, Keith couldn’t help but wonder if the darker section had been more than water. Shaking his head, he began to think himself a fool. Lance would never do anything like that, Lance was always smiling and laughing, why would he be that depressed?   
\----  
Lance had been dripping sweat for mere seconds, praying that Keith would have been too sleep worn to notice. Now fully dried and dressed, it wouldn’t be long until the others woke, until the mask went back on.   
Breakfast was full of forced grins and fake laughs. His jokes still enough to keep them from wondering, from doubting the mask. They still rolled eyes and fought back grins. Keith was the only one who remained fairly quiet, who didn’t challenge him. Wondering if the mask may have slipped earlier, he took a jab at the red paladin. “What’s the matter Mullet? Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?” Looking up from his plate, Keith’s face stayed fairly neutral, his voice far from the challenge he’d normally spat back at Lance. “Maybe..” Came he’s hardly noticeable response. Watching as the darker haired male moved his chair back and left, Lance’s neck broke out in a cold sweat.   
\-----  
Keith had gone back to his room, stopping in the doorway. The steps that followed had proven his plan had worked. His door clicked open right as Lance went around the corner to his room. Reaching out with more speed than Lance could have even guessed was coming, he grabbed the blue paladins collar and stepped back into his room as the door closed behind them, shoving Lance against the wall as the door completely closed. His voice had returned to its seriousness, his tone borderline angry. “What. Did. You. Do?”   
\----  
Lance’s face paled, a gasp coming from him as the air was pushed from his lungs. His mask had dropped, his usual smile gone, his eyes wide and brimmed with tears. “You can’t tell them...you can’t let them know I’m...I’m.” Keith cut him off. “Human? Struggling?” The red paladin shook his head, his expression softening as he saw the tears start rolling down Lance’s cheeks. Lance sniffled and looked down, his body starting to go limp. As Keith glanced down at Lance’s leg once more, his eyes widened as he saw the blood that started pooling by the blue paladins feet. “Keith?...I’m sorry..” The olive skinned males eyes rolled into the back of his head as he lost consciousness, falling forwards into Keith's arms. 

\------  
Starting to panic, Keith’s voice was just short of a scream. “Lance!? SHIT!” Doing his best to hold Lance to him with one arm, he slammed his fist into the button for his door, yelling down the hallway as it opened. “Hunk! Allura! SOMEONE! Lance needs medical assistance! NOW!” Hearing the other paladins running towards his commotion, he gently lowered the blue paladin to the ground, setting his hands on either of Lance’s cheeks. “Lance? Lance I need you to stay with me okay? We’re gonna get you help.” Hunk, being the first one to arrive, scooped Lance up in his arms. The orange paladin took off towards the medical chamber, questioning Keith as they ran. “What happened? Where’s the blood coming from?” It was obvious that Hunk was distressed at the state of his friend. The red paladin answered as best he could, his stomach turning. “I think he’s been cutting himself, if he passed out it’s worse than I thought.”

\-----

Within minutes of them reaching the medical chamber everyone had gathered into the room, preparing the medical capsule and making sure Lance was still alive. Shiro had helped Keith remove all but Lance’s boxers, assessing how bad the damage was on the outside. Hunk had puked at the sight, Pidge following him out with Coran. There was barely an inch of skin from his thighs to his knees, and his shoulders to the middle of his upper arm that didn’t have a scar on it. In the case of his legs, the new mutilations were still bleeding, some heavier than others, dripping down onto the metal table they’d set him on. Shiro and Keith carefully applied a healing salve that covered the wounds and stopped the bleeding before they shared his weight and set him in the medical capsule. It’s thick gel enveloped him and sealed him in. An electronic chart showing his vitals the second he was set, his heart rate starting to stabilize along with his blood pressure. 

\----

The following hours were filled with discussions on what they should do, how they should treat him, what needed to change. Allura had barely spoken, feeling as if she’d failed one of her paladins. Hunk had been the only one that cried, heartbroken that his friend hadn’t been able to trust him yet knew everything that bothered the orange paladin. When it fell silent, they had agreed that babying Lance would make him worse, Keith had stepped up to the plate and offered to keep an eye on him as his room was closest. Shiro had gone into Lance’s room and searched through damn near every inch of it, only finding the one razor between the blue paladins mattress. Having disposed of it before telling them of his findings, Shiro had gone to the hanger, informing blue of what had happened. It wasn’t a surprise to know that blue had been worried of this happening.  
Long after everyone had retired for the night, many knowing it would be a sleepless one, Keith still hadn’t gone to his room. Instead he had sat on the tile flooring in front of Lance’s capsule. He knew Lance couldn’t hear him, but it was the thought that helped. His voice, though barely a whisper, seemed to echo off the empty chamber.  
“Lance...I’m sorry. I should have known. I should have said something sooner. But..don’t worry. You won’t have to do this alone anymore. I’ll change..I’ll help you. We’re supposed to be a team right? Damnit...maybe...Maybe if I hadn’t been such an ass you would have seen how important you are….damn you.” The red paladin hadn’t realized he’d been crying until the tears dripped off his chin and onto his hand. “I can’t tell you...I don’t know how. But….I don’t hate you..not anymore. I don’t think you’re annoying or stupid...or a show off...none of it. I..-”   
Keith cut off as the door beeped and slid open, Shiro walking in. His voice was gentle as he set his hand on the red paladin's shoulder. “Get some sleep. We can’t be any good to him if we’re all dead tired...he’ll probably be in there until later tomorrow at least. He’ll make it through this. We all will.” Wiping his eyes, Keith nodded and got up with Shiro’s help. They walked out together in silence, both returning to their rooms. Keith was right, it had been a sleepless night, one that made him rethink every harsh word he’d every spit at Lance, every scuffle they’d gotten into. And over what? A petty rivalry? Jealousy? 

\-------

The following morning had passed in silence. It passed in dark ringed eyes and food being mindlessly pushed around plates. It passed in hungerless stomachs and empty stares. All it took was one of them to get up, all of them looking to the empty seat before going to the full capsule. Lance’s heart rate was normal and his wounds were healed, all that remained was the scars. That’s all that ever remained right? The scars. Both physical and emotional. None of the would forget. But none of them would forgive themselves either. It was one thing to feel bad about not seeing it, about wishing they’d seen any sort of sign sooner. But it was a completely different ball game when one of them felt like it was their fault, like they’d provoked it, pushed at and tormented someone who was in so much pain.  
The afternoon dragged on slowly but thankfully with no attacks. Most of the Castle’s crew busied themselves with training, cleaning up their rooms or working at some defense program or another, no matter what happened, they still had to be sure that the Castle’s was in the best condition possible. Like clockwork, Keith was checking in on Lance and his vitals on the hour. As the hours continued to crawl by, many of the paladins had forced down what food and water they could and joined Keith in checking on their companion. The busy work helped but only for so long. The minutes felt like hours, the hours like days. By the early evening hours, Keith still hadn’t left the medical bay. He couldn’t help but feel as though his pacing back and forth in front of the capsule would begin to wear a trench into the flooring.   
By now, after pacing well into the night, his legs had gotten sore enough that he was now sitting next to the capsule, twiddling his thumbs. The red paladin’s gaze had been on the floor for so long in the deafening silence, he almost didn’t recognize the chime of the capsule, seconds before it’s seal slid down, releasing Lance. Jumping to his feet, Keith barely managed to catch a groggy, coughing Lance. Carefully patting the other's back, it took a little bit for the gel to clear from Lance’s lungs. The blue paladin made a barely coherent sound as his breath came back to him, his body going limp with what could have only been exhaustion.   
Wrapping one of Lance’s arms over his neck, Keith wrapped his right arm around Lance’s back and side. The progress was slow but worth it. Finally making it to Lance’s room, Keith pressed the button that released the door, pressing the inside one once they’d gotten through the doorway. Lance was doing little to support his own weight, his head lulled towards Keith as he was barely awake. The red paladin lowered Lance onto the bed and within a second Lance was snoring, his arms angled towards his face, one arm already under his head. A ghost of a smile hit Keith’s lips as he wrapped a blanket over Lance. Still uneasy with the thought of leaving Lance’s side, he carefully settled into a chair a against the wall facing the bed. A new wave of exhaustion hit him and within minutes, he too was asleep.


	2. Are...are you serious?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith confess their feelings, along with some fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda bad at fluff but I will be working on that in the future. All comments are welcome and very much appreciated. I'll start off each new chapter with the last paragraph of the previous chapter. There shouldn't be any trigger warnings in this section but if I missed something please let me know and I'll add it in or edit any grammar errors ASAP. Thank you!

Wrapping one of Lance’s arms over his neck, Keith wrapped his right arm around Lance’s back and side. The progress was slow but worth it. Finally making it to Lance’s room, Keith pressed the button that released the door, pressing the inside one once they’d gotten through the doorway. Lance was doing little to support his own weight, his head lulled towards Keith as he was barely awake. The red paladin lowered Lance onto the bed and within a second Lance was snoring, his arms angled towards his face, one arm already under his head. A ghost of a smile hit Keith’s lips as he wrapped a blanket over Lance. Still uneasy with the thought of leaving Lance’s side, he carefully settled into a chair a against the wall facing the bed. A new wave of exhaustion hit him and within minutes, he too was asleep.

\----

Stretching slowly, his limbs burned, his body felt like a ton of bricks. Carefully rubbing his eyes, the desert that had settled in his throat caused him to cough, his body straining in protest from the effort. The shifting of leather caused the blue paladin to look over in surprise. “Keith?” Breaking out into a coughing fit again, he couldn't stifle his surprise at the still sleeping males presence. 

\---

The coughing had bounced around in his ears, dragging him from his dreams. The muddled moments between sleep and consciousness took him a moment to pull through. Hearing his name, Keith fully woke with a start. Blinking the sleep away, he stood up, stumbling a step to the edge of Lance’s bed. “What? What is it?” Gently setting the back of his palm to the others forehead, he was relieved to feel only the warmth of sleep, no fever. The blue paladin kept his tone softer, blinking at the touch to his face and trying to avoid further coughing. “Keith? Can you get me some water? Please.” His olive skin was thankfully back to its normal complexion, no longer deathly pale. Nodding and hurrying as best he could, the fairer skinned paladin got cold water from the kitchen, surprised that he wasn't tripping over himself. It was early enough that they were the only ones up, but late enough that the others would be up within the hour.

\------

Lance had managed to sit up in the time it took Keith to retrieve the much needed water. Realizing he was in his boxers, his stomach flipped. Wrapping his blanket over his shoulders in an attempt to conceal himself, he began chewing his lower lip. Keith walked back in, keeping ahold of the glass as Lance went to take it. The red paladin's voice was gentle as he spoke. “I'll hold it steady. We don't know how stable you are. I don't think you'd like to drench yourself and your bed.” Managing a grin, Lance tried to sound confident in his reply. “Well. Aliens are always telling me I'm dripping with good looks.” Keith only grinned and shook his head in response. Taking careful and slow sips, Lance did manage to drink all of the water, none of it spilling.

\------

Breakfast had been a lot more relaxed with Lance at the table. No one asked or pushed him to talk. His presence alone was a comfort that many had felt was at risk of being extinguished. Allura, being the first to speak, had kept a smile on her face, her voice gentle. “Lance, I'm glad you're with us again. We were all very worried for your well being. I'd like to say that our team is complete again. Would you like to join me so I can update you on what you've missed while you were recovering?” Taking a moment to clear his throat and take a sip of water, Lance grinned and gave a small nod. “Sure Princess.”   
Following her out of the room, they went in silence to the main meeting room. The door closing behind them, Allura turned to face him, tears immediately rolling down her cheeks. “Lance, I’m sorry I let you down..” Her voice cracked as she spoke, tightly wrapping her arms around his neck and crying into his shoulder. The blue paladin, beyond shocked, slowly wrapped his arms around her in return. “A-allura it wasn’t...no.” Letting his eyes shift to the floor, his stomach turned. “It’s not-...I don’t blame you...any of you.” Allura frustratedly wiped at her eyes, gripping his shirt. “Please Lance...Please. Don’t do that anymore...we were all so worried about you. Promise me you’ll let us know if you get so...so..sad…” Her voice trailed off but the tears didn’t stop, she forced herself and the paladin to keep eye contact. She wanted him to know how much they cared, how much he meant to them all. 

\----

With Lance back and at it, the team went back to training, joking and laughing. Keith however now rarely challenged Lance, seemingly never far from the blue paladins side. Of course, it didn’t go unnoticed, especially by Lance. Only a couple of days had passed, now veering into the evening of the third day since Lance had been released from the capsule. In that short amount of time, Lance had felt better, not just physically. His heart seemed lighter, the knot of sadness gone from his stomach. His mind no longer sought to destroy him when he was alone. Currently in the showers, he let the hot water relax his body, his mind at ease. Staying in there until the water began to chill, he turned the water off, wrapped a towel around his waist and headed to his room.   
Trying to hide his slight startle, he forgot that Keith had waited outside the bathrooms for him, the red paladin was leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest as his body swayed a little, the shorter male on the brink of falling asleep. Taking the opportunity to sneak away and get dressed without having to be monitored or having to worry about waking the exhausted male. Once in his room, he slipped on a white t-shirt and a pair of grey sweat pants.   
His hair now towel dried, the olive skinned male went back to the hallway and gently placed his hand on Keith’s shoulder. “Hey, Mullet. Common. I wanna talk to you.” Keith opened his eyes with a small start, taking a moment to process what was said. Mumbling a little as he rubbed his eyes and gave a small nod, “Mmmkay.”  
Sobering up fairly quickly, Keith did as he was asked and followed. Lance sat on the edge of his bed, resting his face in his hands, his elbows on his knees. “I….I want to ask you something but I don’t know how to ask..” Far from his normal confidence, the blue paladin felt the oh so familiar knot finding its way back into his gut. Keith took a seat across from Lance, back into the leather chair. His own stomach had worked its way into a ball of knots and anxiety. He’d never really remembered feeling so...nervous. What if Lance wasn’t ready for something like that? What if he wasn’t ready for it? But...what exactly? Where exactly did he want this to go?   
Doing his best to keep from staring at anything in particular, Keith clasped his hands together, his knuckles between his knees. Lance, finding the courage to speak, though his tone was unsure, scared even, switched between glancing at his hands and making eye contact. “I just….I don’t know what to do. So many things have changed and so many things feel so...different. I don’t know what to think about you or myself or us. Us. I mean. I didn’t mean as- I don’t want to assume anything. I’m sorry. I’m so confused. I’m lost and I feel like I’m drowning but it’s not like I’m dying it’s more like I just don’t want to die anymore and my heart hurts but it’s not sad it’s just-” His rambling was silenced as Keith gently cupped his face with one hand, the other supporting the red paladin’s weight on the bed next to Lance’s leg. In the same millisecond, that same breath, Keith’s lips softly connected to Lance’s, the movement was careful, tentative. In a way that the action itself seemed to show a side of fear. It took almost a full second for Lance to register what was happening, his heart skipping a beat as red spread like fire across his face. Almost unsure of what he was supposed to do, the blue paladin gently kissed back, his right hand finding its way into Keith’s mess of hair. As quickly as it had started, the contact ended. Both of them pulling back, their faces the shade of fresh cherries, Keith was the first to break the silence. “Lance...I...I think I might be in love with you.”   
Blinking a few times and taking a moment to gather himself, Lance ran a hand through his hair. He almost wasn't sure if he had been ready for the kiss to end so soon. Lance’s voice came as little more than a whisper, doing his best not to let his voice crack. “I think I love you too, Mullet.” Managing a small grin, Lance suddenly looked down, biting his lip to keep himself from falling apart at the seams. “Are...are you serious? You aren't just pulling some huge prank on me right?..” Unable to hide his shock at the questions, Keith did the only thing he could think to do. Wrapping his arms around Lance, he gently pulled the other to him, his right hand cupping the back of the blue paladins head, letting Lance's face rest in his shoulder. His voice was soft but reassuring, little more than a gently murmur against the brown haired man's ear. “Lance. You're the brightest, goofiest, most amazing person I know. I want nothing more than to be the reason you smile. To be the reason you want to keep living and wake up each morning. I want to help you love yourself as much as I love you. I would never do something so cruel to you. I won't belittle you. I won't push you away. I won't let you fight this fight alone. But...I also won't force you into something you don't want.” Keith could feel his own eyes starting to water. The realization of how close he had come to almost losing this beautiful being to the crippling hells of life was truly terrifying.  
Taking in a slow, steadying breath, Lance allowed himself to relax in Keith’s arms. The vulnerability he was allowing Keith to see only scared him all the more. His voice, already quiet, was muffled in Keith’s shoulder but not unhearable. “Are...are you asking me to be your boyfriend?” Now it was Keith’s turn to take a reassuring breath. The red paladin made a small noise that could have been a hum before his response came. “If that’s alright with you...I mean. If that’s what you want.” Fighting back the urge to ramble, he waited for Lance to speak. “Then...yes.” His response still quiet, Lance felt his face warm against Keith’s neck as he spoke.   
The red paladin shifted back enough to make eye contact with Lance, a smile, a true smile, spreading across his cheeks, even reaching his eyes. Lance found the other paladins smile to be contagious, his own face shifting into a smile, not his flirty grin, but a smile to match Keith's’. Wrapping his arms around Keith’s neck, the red paladin moved his arms so one wrapped around Lance and the other cupped his face in his palm. This time the kiss was sweet, gentle, even comfortable to an extent. Lance found his blush deepening as he thought of how soft Keith’s lips were and how he smelt similar to a mix of almonds and spices, fall spices to be exact. The scent was comforting and reminded him of home, the spices his mother cooked with. Both of them pulled back, just enough to breath, their lips ghosting over one another's. Doing his best not to stutter or make his blush worse, his words were warm against Keith’s lips. “I know it’s late...but...stay with me? I don’t want to do anything, not like that...I just…” Keith gave a gentle nod, silencing Lance with a gentle, brief kiss. “I understand. I’ll stay with you if that’s what you want.”   
In silent agreement, the two untangled themselves, Keith slipping his boots and overcoat off while Lance got up and moved back his blanket and sheet so they could get under. Settling down, Keith closest to the door and Lance’s head resting on the space connecting to his shoulder and chest, it didn’t take long for the two to slip into the oblivion of sleep. For the first time in a long time, both of them slept without the haunting thoughts of life, their minds at ease and only shifting to gentle thoughts of each other.


	3. "Are you gonna make me beg?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more fluff. Implied sex, some mild sexual contact, namely nakedness, kissing and marking. If you would rather not read anything of the sort, wait /skip to the next chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in reference that's being played in their...moment...is Guillotine by Jon Bellion, by which means I do NOT own the song and once again, nor do I own the characters. All comments still welcome. And thank you to everyone who has read this far, the views and Kudos mean a lot more than you probably realize. <3

In silent agreement, the two untangled themselves, Keith slipping his boots and overcoat off while Lance got up and moved back his blanket and sheet so they could get under. Settling down, Keith closest to the door and Lance’s head resting on the space connecting to his shoulder and chest, it didn’t take long for the two to slip into the oblivion of sleep. For the first time in a long time, both of them slept without the haunting thoughts of life, their minds at ease and only shifting to gentle thoughts of each other. 

\----

Keith, for once, was the first one to wake. It took him a moment to remember where he was. Gently rubbing his eyes, his cheeks lifted into a small smile at the sight of Lance. The blue paladin’s messy hair was sideways over his face, one of his arms wrapped over Keith's chest. It was enchanting to see how peaceful Lance looked, how young he looked in his sleep, not a care in the world. Letting his head move back to the pillow, Keith gently ran his hand into Lance’s hair, moving it away from the tanned male's face. If this was happiness, then death was something he'd face with a smile, Lance was worth every second of it. 

\----

The gentle caresses against his face and through his hair lulled him from the haze of sleep. Shifting towards the warmth of Keith, Lance’s eyes fluttered open. Humming softly, contently, he carefully stretched up and pressed his lips to Keith's cheek. “Morning Mullet.” Keith opened his eyes and gently kissed Lance’s forehead. “Mornin.” Working their way into a sitting position, the two did little more than smile and kiss, more than comfortable with the new connection between them. Before long they made their way out to the dining room, hand in hand. Pidge, being the only one facing them, dropped her spoon onto the edge of her dish, a grin quickly hitting her face. Holding her hand out to Hunk, her voice rang out over the remaining silence of the table. “Pay up!” Hunk turned to look at the pair and groaned. Sighing and shaking his head, he pulled out a data chip and dropped it into her hand. “There. Happy?” Pidge, grinning like a maniac, slipped it into her pocket and got up, done with her breakfast. Keith, taking a moment to register what happened, gave them both a very deadpanned expression and tone. “Did you seriously bet on us?...” The only response they got was a nervous chuckle from Hunk. 

\------

The next month followed a similar pattern, training, kissing, eating, kissing, taking out minor Zarkon fleets, kissing, shower, more kissing, falling asleep in one or the others arms, repeat.   
This particular morning, Keith had woken up to a peppering of kisses, all of them soft and sweet.  
As their comfort with one another grew, so did their confidence. Though neither of them had the confidence to ask on “going all the way”, their contact had become more heated, mouths smothering quiet moans and hands working sensitive flesh. Of course hiding their work wasn't something either of them tended to do, their necks usually littered with some mark or another, be it a hickey, a bite, or a faint outline of a hand. Always consensual, always safe.   
Going back to that very moment in time, Lance’s gentle, almost teasing kisses, beginning to trail down Keith's neck. A small moan escaped Keith's pale lips, his hand finding its way into Lance’s hair before his other hand using a knuckle to catch the blue paladins chin. His voice was soft, quiet in the early morning hours. “Kiss me.” His words slipped with more need than his pride would allow him to admit. Lance of course only gave a small grin before complying. Having his weight supported on his left hand, next to Keith’s head, Lance carefully straddle the red paladin’s hips, not breaking the kiss. Keith was starting to unravel at the seams, sucking and gently nipping at Lance’s lower lip, being careful not to break skin before he gently slid his tongue over the the blue paladin’s lip, silently asking. Doing his best not to grin too much, Lance parted his lips a little bit and let his hand trail up Keith’s chest, his warm fingers gently catching a particularly perky nipple which earned him a sweet sounding gasp that he used to slip his tongue into Keith’s mouth, taking over in the process. Keith, going cherry red, trailed his hands up Lance’s sides and back. Stopping at the blue paladin’s shoulder blades, he lightly dug his nails in and scratched down to his lovers lower back. Of course, all actions have consequences, the consequence of this one being the low moan from Lance that simultaneously caused the blue paladin to roll his hips. Both having to break from the kiss, their lips hovered centimeters apart, soft panting coming from each.  
Lance quietly spoke between pants. “That, was exceptionally cruel of you.” Letting his eyes travel lower for a moment, he flushed at the fact that the only thing separating them was two thin layers of fabric, the only thing they both were wearing happened to be their boxers. Keith, equally red, didn’t bother to hide the salt that hit his tone. “I’m not the one that cheated….cheater.” Mouths connecting once more, Lance took his time kissing down Keith’s neck and collarbone, occasionally leaving soft nips in his wake. Keith’s hands once again in his hair, Lance only took it as encouragement as his kisses and soft bites went lower. Keeping the sheets on his shoulders, Lance stopped at the elastic of Keith’s boxers. “Do you want me to take care of your...issue, babe?” At this point Keith was red enough to rival a tomato. His voice was little more than a whisper. “I-if you want to baby. You don’t have to.” Lance let his expression relax, placing gentle kisses on Keith’s hips. “Of course I want to love. I won’t do anything you do want me to.” Hesitating a second, Keith felt he should have been dead at how red his face was. “Am I on that list?” The second the words left his lips, the blush spread to his ears. Biting his lower lip, Lance felt his face turn the same color as Keith’s. “Do you want to be on that list?” Slowly lifting himself back up, Lance leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on Keith’s forehead. “Because, if you want to, then...yes. You’re at the top of that list.” The red paladin gently kissed the side of Lance’s throat, murmuring against the heat of his skin. “Are you going to make me beg?” Grinning and placing gentle kisses on Keith’s face, his voice was quiet but playful. “If you’re into that.” The blue paladin sat back and reached under his bed, pulling out a small box. As Lance focused on getting a condom from said box, Keith pulled out an Ipod, turning his music on, loud enough to hear but not loud enough to wake anyone else up, just enough to drown their own sounds out.   
As the first song began playing, Keith pulled Lance back over him, finding the blue paladin’s lips once more. [[~Sleep on me. Feel the rhythm in my chest, just breathe.~]] Only taking seconds to wrap their arms around one another, the gentleness of the kiss was soon a simmering need, a want, a desire. The places their skin made contact set them both ablaze. [[~And if you have nightmares, we’ll dance on bed. I know that you love me, love me. Even when I lose my head, Guillotine.~]] Lance’s lips were now on Keith’s neck, working almost in a frenzy but not enough to harm, sucking and gently biting the section of muscle that connected Keith’s neck and shoulder. If they were going to do this, their marks were going to be full on proof of who Keith belonged to, and in return, who Lance belonged to. They were each others and nothing less, but far more. [[~Kiss my lips, feel the rhythm of your heart and hips. I will Pray, so the Castle that we built won’t cave.~]] Releasing Keith’s neck with a small popping sound, the red paladin letting out a soft moan in the process, Lance kept kissing lower, nipping between kisses. Stopping once more at Keith’s hips, he looked up once more, his voice gentle but thick with desire. “Are you sure this is what you want?” The red paladin bit his lip and gave a slight nod, his own body taut with need. “I’m sure. Just...Be gentle.” Lance gave a small nod and kissed down Keith’s thighs, shifting lower as he went. [[~You fill me up, you fill me up, you set my soul ablaze. You fill me up, you fill me up, your love is so amazing. You fill me up, you fill me up, you set my soul ablaze. You fill me up, even when I lose my head, Guillotine~]] Gently slipping his fingers under the hem of Keith’s boxers, he slid them down and off the red paladin's ankles, his own soon following Keith’s in a heap on the floor. His voice was soft as he spoke, his hands busy getting the condom in place. “I’ll go as slow as I can until you’re okay baby. Take as much time as you need, tell me if you need me to stop or slow down. Okay?” Understanding reached Keith’s eyes and the paler male gave a small nod. “I will.” Nodding a little bit, Lance carefully moved Keith’s legs to a bent and spread position. Waiting until Keith gave another sign of confirmation, Lance laced his free hand with Keith’s, his touch gentle. 

\------

The pair was left to sleep and rest until breakfast was almost over. Even after being woken, the two first decided to shower and then get dressed to eat with the rest of the team. Their necks and backs littered with evidence of their...encounter. Eating more than usual, Keith had a very slight limp, one that may have been from discomfort but by the time they were training, it was gone. Once again, a day of peace, quiet, laughter and playfully thrown jokes, mostly from Pidge. With the day going smoothly, the team could only assume the same of their soon to be night. But that was the worst thing they could do, assume.


	4. Soul bound.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Lance are captured by Sendak who makes a rather interesting discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. SO. I kinda forgot that this is also a soulmate/Soul bound AU and I spaced that until just now so for all of you who already started this, I'M SORRY. I'll update that tag as soon as this chapter is up. And this is where shit starts to get sad. So. Once again. I'm sorry. And yes, I did cry while I wrote this. The next chapter will likely be the end or second to last. This is where you should seriously be careful if character death is something you can't handle safely.

The pair was left to sleep and rest until breakfast was almost over. Even after being woken, the two first decided to shower and then get dressed to eat with the rest of the team. Their necks and backs littered with evidence of their...encounter. Eating more than usual, Keith had a very slight limp, one that may have been from discomfort but by the time they were training, it was gone. Once again, a day of peace, quiet, laughter and playfully thrown jokes, mostly from Pidge. With the day going smoothly, the team could only assume the same of their soon to be night. But that was the worst thing they could do, assume.   
Once again asleep in Lance’s room, the pair was dead to the world, as it would be, sleep encasing their every muscle. Unbeknownst to them, the last attack from Galra ships, had released a small nano body. Being remote controlled for the most part, it had stayed dormant for the last few weeks, having entered the Castle through one of the release panels on the hangers that let the lions out. A previously introduced unit had barely had time to send a route to the new nano. Of course this only meant that the new nano didn't have to waste time getting to it's target and then to the control room. Within minutes it had slipped underneath the door to Lance's room, is sensors rolling over the room while it's controller responded with a set code. The heat signals it picked up only made the nano decide that both targets might be necessary.  
Using the clamp like appendages on the ends of it legs, the nano gripped the sheets and worked its way onto the bed. Its sensor swiveled to the nanos side, a small clicking sound coming from it's system as it scanned the paladins faces. Targeting on Lance, it used an arm to pull a syringe that was less than an inch long out of its would be abdomen. Focusing on the nap of Lance’s neck, it placed the needle end of the syringe at the patch of skin that connected Lance’s skull to his spine, injecting the contents quickly but carefully. Lance of course would have felt less than a pinch from the action, still shifting in his sleep. With one going successfully, the spider-like nano activated two needle like points in the ends of two limbs. Using one to inject Lance with a sedative and then Keith with the same, both at the muscle connecting the neck and shoulder. Now scurrying off the bed and out the door, it hurried to the control room, it's metal limbs making soft clicking noises against the castle floor. Within five minutes it made it to the main control system. A limb reaching back to click a small button on its back, the nano pulled out a universal chip and connected it to the system. It's work complete, the nano shut down under a chair and went dormant once more. It's operator however, used the chip to open an entrance hatch on the castle. With the system momentarily down, the castle made no alerts. A pair of Galra stealth operatives on board and off again within minutes, a pair of paladins in hand and far from conscious.

\------

Pidge, being the first one up, wandered around, finding herself in the control room, the main screen having a loading bar that just finished uploading, reading “System secure.” Those two words alone were enough for Pidge to slam the alarm key on the panel. Her fingers flew over the digital keys, bringing up records of the systems and movements of release hatches and the landing ports. The second thing she pulled up was the video feeds. By this time everyone else had shown up in gear. Everyone except Keith and Lance. By the time she skimmed the feed to their current time, the only thing she could see was the Galra ship shortly after it had departed from the castle. Pidge finally spoke, the confusion weighing in on her. “We had a system breach and there's a bug on board. I don't know where it's at. There's no signal, no trace. Where are Lance and Keith?” Turning off the alarms, Shiro was the first to move, taking off down the hall and returning a minute later. Panting, Shiro responded as evenly as he could. “They're gone. Both of them.” Allura, now at the control panel, ran a full scan of the ship and cargo. Her voice came out strong despite her increasing panic. “They aren't even on board...the Galra must have taken them…” Realization hit her eyes the same time it hit Pidge. Looking at one another, Allura was the first to speak. “I...It might be my fault that Lance was taken….Shortly after his accident I had a conversation with him on rather private information. Information of possible Altean Survivors...At that same time, Pidge had disabled a signal from a bug on board.” Her voice trailing off, Pidge took over, surprisingly calm as she spoke to Hunk, Coran and Shiro. “We need to search every inch of this place. They must have gotten a second bug on board.”

\-----

The world was pulsing, his body felt as though it was spinning, as though he was going to fall at any time. The first thing that came to his attention was the angle of his arm, shackled and straight up on either side of his head. The only reason he noticed was due to him trying to clasp his arms to his chest as his stomach flipped and his insides clenched as he vomited. Eyes watering, the one light in the room was blinding, making the ringing in his ears that much worse. Taking a moment to gather himself, Lance spit a couple times, doing his best to get the acidic taste out of his mouth. His vision starting to clear up, he took in as much as he could, which wasn’t much given the lighting. His arms being shackled above his head in the middle of a room, forced him to stay moderately upright while on his knees, his head being the only thing that could really drop. The room itself was a large square. If he could have guessed properly, it was close to 100 feet from one wall to another. The only door was directly in front of him and the only light he could see was right above him. Letting the silence claim him, Lance closed his eyes, reaching out with his mind to make contact with Blue, all he could feel for what seemed like miles, was emptiness, emptiness except for a small, warm, feeling thread. Carefully connecting to said thread, he let his mind give it a small tug, his eyes staying closed as the thread tugged back. Whoever was on the other end, accepted the thread and opened their eyes. Through them Lance could see the looming figure of Sendak. Keeping hold of the bond, sound slowly flooded into his mind, Sendak voice booming in the quiet of his thoughts. “You could make this easy on both of you. Just tell me what you know and I let you go. I’ll return you to your precious castle.” The voice of his host took a moment to register in his mind. “I don’t know what you want! I don’t know anything and neither does Lance!” Keith. Struggling in his bonds, Lance was starting to panic, the bond still going. From the shift in his view, he knew Keith could feel his panic. Sendak’s voice rang through again, a harsh chuckle following Keith’s movement. “Oh I assure you, Lance knows more than you think. If he hasn’t told you then...your precious princess is the only other one of your team who knows.” The commander spat the word princess like it left a bad taste in his mouth. The commander’s faux eye made a series of clicking and humming sounds as he examined Keith. His brows arching in interest, he quickly and far from gently, grabbed Keith’s chin, tilting his head towards the light. His voice was quieter, almost pondering. “How...fascinating. Are you aware that soul bound are so very rare...the main factor of determination is well...when then share minds their eyes change color, a relative one at that. Did you know that your eyes are glowing purple, such a lovely color?” As he finished speaking, he ripped his hand back and proceeded to back hand Keith, the shock of the blow forcing the bond to snap, the burn of the impact still reflecting on Lance’s cheek as his mind seemed to jar in his skull.   
Moments later, the door slammed open, Sendak entering in its’ wake. More or less marching over to Lance, his dauntingly large hand reached out and grabbed a fistful of Lance’s hair, and forced the blue paladin’s head back. Gritting his teeth, Lance squinted at the brightness. The Galra brute was the first to speak, his voice gruff in his frustration. “You have one chance to tell me everything or things or going to get very, very, messy.” Giving his smug grin, Lance forced his expression to relax as he responded, Keith’s panic was clear at the rapid attempts to get Lance to let him in through the bond, though he was fighting to ignore it. “It’s a shame I have no idea what you’re talking about. “ Sendak only snarled and slapped Lance, much harder than he had Keith, the force alone sent Lance’s head to the side, his mouth stinging with hurt, a slight warmth trickling down his chin a moment later. Unsure of where the blood was coming from, Lance ran his tongue gingerly over his lip. It was clear that his lip had split as the tang of Iron hit his tongue, his nose didn’t hurt as much but the trickle of fluid told him it too was bloodied. The initial impact had caused his eyes to water, taking a moment to clear up. Sendak’s voice boomed in on his ears, forcing Lance to give him his attention. “Don’t get smart with me boy. You’re friend in the red is going to suffer for your insolence. And while we’re at it, we’ll see just how strong that bond of yours is.” Sendak let out a low whistle and Keith was escorted in, Sendak pressing a few buttons on the panel by the door while two guards held Keith by his elbows. A louder mechanical rumble sounded from the floor before a set up similar to Lance’s emerged about 20 feet away from Lance. ((Two thick metal pillars with adjustable shackles on either one.)) The noises rumbled to a stop and the guards forced Keith into a position that mirrored Lances’, Keith placed so he was facing Lance and able to make eye contact. Keith tried not to wince as he saw Lance’s face, his own still burning a little bit. The impact of his knees on the concrete hurt, his grey sweats doing little to cushion it. Watching Lance, he could see right through the mask of bravery that Lance had thrown up. The bond seemed to scream the word. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. He could feel the panic that Lance was trying so hard to conceal. Reaching out with his mind again, Keith needed the reassurance, the gentle caress of Lance’s presence in his mind. This time, his lover accepted it, a small amount of relief flooding down the bond. Sendak grinned, a foul, hateful look. Looking at Lance, he could see the soft violet color that Sendak had mentioned previously. Of course it was obvious that the Galran Commander had noticed. Tampering with the panel once more, a table was released on the other side of Lance, the table bearing a number of devices, blades and tools. Realization gushed down the bond at the same time panic did. Keith could feel the pull of Lance’s mind, willing him to go into the blue paladins mind. Letting Lance wrap around his mind and pull him in, Keith felt his body tingle at his lack of full presence. It was odd, seeing his own body how everyone else saw him. Sendak was pacing like a cat behind his body, a barbed whip in hand. With a growl and a sudden, booming step forward, Sedak flashed the whip forward and across Keith’s back. Screaming in pain, Keith could feel the blood run down his back, his flesh torn in a few places. As the scream tore out of his throat, he realized the sound came not only from his mouth but Lance’s as well. He could hear it and feel it but could still see himself. Lance’s grip around his mind only tightened, a rush of words going through his conscious. ‘Stay in my head. I can shield you from some of it but not all.’ Letting the words sink in, Keith forced himself out of Lance’s hold, slamming back into his own mind with a jolt. Lance was right, in his own body the pain was worse, so much worse. The tears had burned down his cheeks and it took him a moment to recover, his eyes screwed shut. Managing to look at Lance, he could see the sweat that was rolling down Lance’s face with the effort it had taken to keep Keith shielded as best he could. Lance let his head drop as he released a shaky breath. His voice was soft, almost a whimper. “Keith...I’m sorry...I’m so sorry.” Keith could feel the bond again, softer this time as Lance’s more silent words brushed his mind. ‘When we get out of this..I promise I will tell you everything. But I can’t give him what he wants….it’ll kill us all.’ Keith only let a gentle feeling of understanding flow down the bond, his only physical indicator being a small nod.   
Sendak let out a low, feral sounding noise as he stepped closer to Keith. The large Galra grabbed his throat from behind, all but crushing Keith’s airway as he spoke, his voice a growl. “Your soul bound is so much of a coward that he won’t even give up a small bit of information for you? Let’s see if we can’t change his mind, hmm?” Taking a few steps back after letting go, Keith gasping for breath, Sendak unleashed himself on Keith’s back. The tearing of his skin on the barbs was sickening, the impact making a hash snapping sound with each lash. Lance fought in his restraints, thrashing and screaming Keith’s name over and over, his wrists starting to bleed from the effort. Lance’s body convulsed with each new lash, his panic flooding his control. Keith on the other hand could barely catch his breaths between blood curtling screams, his skin breaking out in a salty sweat that only made the gashes burn worse. His back was soon slick with sweat and blood, what remained on his back skin was in ribbons. In a less than five minutes, Sendak had done so much damage that Keith had passed out. Whether it was from the pain or the blood loss, was impossible to tell. As Keith dropped like a weight in his retrains, Lance went just as limp, sweat pouring down his torso and face. The bond was severed but only due to Keith being unconscious, despite how awful it was, it did make things a little easier on Lance though his every muscle throbbed. Blood was pooling around Keith's’ knees at an alarming rate. Lance couldn’t take it, he couldn’t live with himself knowing that he’d done this. That this was his fault. His voice broke in a single word. “Enough!....enough...please...I’ll tell you..” His voice grew softer and softer with each word, tears streaming down his face faster than the sweat was. Dropping the whip, Sendak stalked over to Lance, crouching down to be eye level and yet still towering over the paladin. “Last chance. I want everything you know and I want it now.” Lance only gave a weak nod, his voice barely loud enough to hear. “They’re in the Andromeda galaxy on planet KELT-2Ab, is located in the constellation Auriga.” Sendak smirked and reached up on either of the beams that Lance was stuck to, releasing his shackles. “See, now that wasn’t so hard was it?” Unlocking and removing the rest of Lance’s restraints, Sendak’s voice seemed to drop with a weight that may have been pity. “If only you had been so reliable earlier. It’s a shame that soul bound of yours won’t survive this.” Lance, now fueled by rage, spat back at the Galra. “Lies! I know a man can survive that!” Sendak only laughed, grabbing Lance by the throat and lifting him more than a foot off the floor. “But is your species capable of surviving decapitation?” Throwing Lance down against the floor, the commander grabbed a device off the table and flipped a small switch on it.His mental words were soft and slow, accommodating to the sluggishness of Keith’s mind. ‘It’s going to be alright my love. This will all be over soon.’ Despite his attempts to smother his panic, it still flooded through the bond, making Keith’s eyes fly open. If Lance’s body would have allowed it, he’d have collapsed right there, Keith in his arms. Keith’s response was more coherent than Lance would’ve expected. ‘He’s controlling you isn’t he?...’ Lance let a feeling of dread hit the bond and Keith’s body was forced from his arms by no one but himself, his arms being clamped down in the holds of a guillotine. Keith, to his credit, didn’t whimper as the tears slid down his face. He used what little energy he had to pull Lance into his mind. He spoke softly, his words a form of peace against Lance’s ears. “He can force your body to do it but he can’t force your mind and eyes to see it.” Keith’s mind stayed strong around Lance’s, allowing, if not forcing, Lance to see through his eyes. Keith’s mind gently pointed out every feature of Lance and why he loved it. Starting from the softness of Lance’s eyes and down to the gently pointed end of Lance’s chin. All the while Lance’s body pulled back the rope of the guillotine. Keith refused to let panic consume him, his words gentle in Lance’s mind. ‘I love you. Don’t blame yourself alright. Promise me.’ Lance’s mind rushed to reply as his grip began to loosen on the rope. ‘I love you too. I pro-’ He didn’t have time to even finish his thought as the blade dropped with a dull thud. The bond was ripped to shreds, tearing Lance apart from the inside out, a scream of pure agony shredding his throat. His mind clung to every bit of Keith that it could, his presence slipping like sand through his fingers. He was back in his own mind too quickly, he wasn’t ready for the sight before him. Keith’s eyes lifeless and dull, blood pooling around the red paladin's head, his body slumped in place. Lance’s stomach took no more, his body no longer being controlled as he turned and dry heaved, nothing coming up but a very minimal amount of fluid. Even now he was still screaming, his mind unable to release the sight of his headless lover. His heart and mind raced with too many things, too much emotion, going into shock, his world spun and slipped into blackness, his heart a pile of dust and tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When someone has the chance and time could you maybe humor me and leave a comment? It doesn't have to be relevant or even actually words. I just need to make sure I know how the commenting on this works. Thank you!


	5. Bittersweet sorrow.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance returns to the castle, his memory of Keith suppressed until he happens upon a song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter. Please be careful, character death and suicide.

Lance’s stomach took no more, his body no longer being controlled as he turned and dry heaved, nothing coming up but a very minimal amount of fluid. Even now he was still screaming, his mind unable to release the sight of his headless love. His heart raced with too many things, going into shock, his world spun and slipped into blackness, his heart a pile of dust and tears. 

\----

As previously agreed upon, Lance was released, the Galra having dropped him off near the castle, close enough for its radar to pick up. The small pod ship contained only Lance, though unconscious his screams never stopped, tears still flooded his cheeks, pooling under his head. His body was crumpled in a ball on the floor. That’s how Shiro had found him once the black paladin had boarded the pod ship. The taller male had tried to speak to him, gently tapping his cheek and asking what was wrong, what had happened. When nothing worked, Shiro had brought him back onto the castle and immediately to the medical wing where everyone else had waited. The Galra hadn’t bothered to clean the blue paladin up, he was still covered in blood….Keith’s blood. His lip and nose being the least of the damage. Upon further examination, they found Lance’s back covered in welts, stretching across his back in every direction and each of them as thick as ropes, lifting almost half an inch. Lance’s body trembled in an almost seizure like manner, his breathing coming in struggled gasps. Pidge, grabbing Shiro’s flesh arm, spoke in an almost harsh tone, her heart breaking. “We have to get him into the capsule again. It’ll breathe for him and he won’t be able to hurt himself.” Hunk, hearing what she said, started preparing the capsule, his voice quiet. “Clean the blood off of him…” At that, Allura stepped in, a couple washcloths in hand as well as a small bucket of sterile and warm water.   
Even after they’d cleaned him up and gotten him secure in the capsule, Lance’s screams still rang through their minds. Pidge had taken the liberty of testing the blood on the now stained rags, knowing that they had to be sure. A further sense of dread washed over through the castle. Shiro had managed to talk to red, the lion verifying that Keith was in fact gone, no longer alive. All of them once again in medical, didn’t speak for what seemed like hours. Shock had settled in their hearts, pity, dread, sorrow and pure pain were among the mix. Allura, fighting back tears, managed to state her proposal, “Lance isn’t going to function like this...we need to...suppress…his memories until he can handle the loss of Keith.” Shiro’s response came quietly but not without the pain being noticeable in his tone. “The shock alone could do that once we bring him out of the capsule. As someone who’s been there, let him remember but if he forgets, it’s because his body forced him to. He’ll need to remember on his own.” Pidge and Hunk only nodded their agreement with Shiro, Coran staying silent.   
The next few days had gone with no attacks, no distress beacons, nothing. Meals were quiet and many of the remaining crew had to force themselves to eat. Even Allura had stayed quiet, not pushing any of them to train. The maintenance of the castle had become routine, check the systems, clean what needed it, clean what didn’t need to be cleaned, check on Lance. By the middle of the fourth day, they’d come to an agreement that Lance needed to be woken from his comatose. Hunk and Shiro had silently pulled Lance from the capsule after it released him, wrapping his thinning form in a towel to help catch some of the gel that slid down his body and out of his hair. As Lance started to regain consciousness, his head starting to lift on its own, the crew watched in silent anticipation.

\-----

The world around him was slow, his mind sluggish, like it was trying to pull itself through clay. Taking a while to gain his sense of gravity, his eyes slowly opened. The light from the medical room was blinding, causing him to groan a little. His throat was dry and his muscles ached, and his limbs felt like a ton of bricks. Reaching up, Lance absentmindedly rubbed his throat. Despite being sore, he felt alright, the only thing that bothered him was the emptiness in his heart and mind. His entire body just felt empty, hollow even. His voice hoarse, Lance rubbed his eyes. “What the hell happened? And can I please get some water?” Coughing a little bit, he looked around at his teammates, though he couldn’t figure out why, he felt like something was wrong. Allura was the first to speak, her voice more cheerful than normal. “Not to worry, you had a bit of a fall a couple days ago, bruised yourself bad enough that we figured it best to let you heal in the capsule.” Her smile let a wave of reassurance wash over his nerves. All four of the paladins were there. That was right wasn’t it? There had only ever been the four of them from what he remembered. Right? Turning to Hunk as the orange paladin handed him some water, he smiled at his friend and took the glass. As he went to take a sip, his hand slipped a little and water poured down his chest and onto the floor, causing Lance to jump a little. A sense of Deja Vu washed over him, taking him by surprise as he shook his head, trying to clear the thought that something wasn’t right.   
The next month came and went with much caution. The paladins were so very careful not to mention Keith around Lance. The caution was starting to become something that was almost tangible, even to Lance. The emptiness never left him, it only seemed to grow worse. Many nights he’d woken, drenched in sweat and screaming a name that never stuck with him. His dreams held brief flashes of red, a silhouette, a pale, gentle outline of a face that never had features. He'd sometimes find a song repeating itself in his mind, never words but only the remnants of a tune. During his waking hours, the shadow in the corner of his eye haunted him. Lance would occasionally see a flash of red and white, moving like an arm was going to wrap around him, leaving a chill to spread like fire across his skin. Occasionally the shadow of movement would seem to draw him towards a room that he'd assumed was always empty. No one ever came out of it, no one ever entered it. Now, Lance was left panting and drenched in sweat, his t-shirt and sweatpants clinging to his skin. This time, the shadow moved from his doorway, causing Lance to jerk in surprise. If he hadn't known better he'd have thought someone was leaning in his doorway. Except. His door opened a heartbeat later.   
No one came into his room and no one left, that he could see. His curiosity got the best of him as he crept across his floor, peeking into the hallway. The corner of his eye drew his attention back to the room down the hall again. His mind and body felt almost compelled to go into the room, like he was being pulled. Making his way down the hallway, Lance stopped at the door and pressed the button that opened the door. It slid open and Lance stepped inside, the door closing behind him. Shock was the best way to describe what Lance felt. The room wasn't empty. It was set like a bedroom, it was familiar and almost safe in a sense. Slowly approaching the bed, Lance let his fingers trace over the sheets. The room alone brought a smell that made his heart clench but he didn't know why. Sitting on the bed, he sunk into the sheets and tugged them up to his shoulder. His heart throbbed in his chest, tears rolling down his cheeks. The blue paladin's face twisted in confusion. He felt like he was missing a piece of himself, like his heart had been torn in two and someone else had ripped the other piece to shreds. Yet, at the same time he felt more at rest, relaxed. A sense of comfort had settled around his mind like a blanket, soft and gentle. Pulling his arm under a pillow to support his head, his jerked at the contact of cold metal to his hand. Grabbing a small device and pulling it from under the pillow, he pressed the center button on the iPod. It's screen displayed a song that had been paused, stuck on repeat. The screen blinking with its paused tune, Lance hit the sideways triangle and the song began, it's music gentle against Lance’s ears as the memories flooded back, his head pounding as he gripped either side of his skull, keeling over in agony at the pain, too many emotions to count, too many feelings emotionally and physically. Images of Keith flowing with the emotions. His smile, his kisses, his embrace, the warmth of his skin against Lance's, the security of his embrace, his courage even to his last moments. And all of it for Lance. All of it to help him love himself. And it had worked.   
The impact of Keith's death, the true realisation made his throat hurt with the lump that was forming. It had been over a month since Keith’s death and he was the only one who hadn’t been allowed to grieve. The weight in his gut seemed to grow heavier by the second, his emotions overloading his control as a sob tore from his throat. Within seconds he was pouring his emotions into one of Keith’s pillows, the scent relaxed his nerves but only made his emotions that much rawer. Lance continued like this for well over an hour before exhaustion forced him to pass out into a drained, dreamless sleep. But the true numbness could only hide him for so long from grief’s grasp. Two hours had passed before Lance was dragged back to his world of pain. By now, he knew the others were up. Walking out to the dining area, Lance was aware of the dark rings under his eyes, the paleness of his complexion and the redness of his bloodshot eyes. Allura had made the mistake of saying something first, her voice gentle but making it no better, “Lance, are you alright?” All the paladin could do was stare at her, his face holding a terrifyingly blank expression. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be? I’ve only been stuck in an empty lie for the last month of my life and forced to kill my soul bound.” Allura flinched at the sarcasm, her face drawing into shock. They knew it had been bad, that Lance had been covered in Keith’s blood, but they hadn’t know what had caused it to happen that way. Shiro stood from his seat, his voice more curious than stern. “You remembered….can you tell us what happened?”   
Lance was next to flinch, his eyes flashing with pain. Though he struggled to keep the tears at bay, the blue paladin gave them the information they wanted, even down to telling Sendak the wrong information, even though it was too late for him to save Keith, he’d looked specifically to Pidge as he told them about the implant that controlled his body. The only thing he left out was his rage at Allura for telling him, for forcing him to keep secrets that had cost Keith his life. When he’d finished explaining, Pidge had made a small comment, her voice little more than a whisper. “I can disable it if you’d like...it might be for the better.” Lance watched the green paladin for a moment, his voice matching her’s in volume. “Don’t waste your time. It won’t matter anyway.” Lance didn’t even bother to try and eat before he left, going back to Keith’s room.  
Alone, he was left to the mercy of his thoughts. He couldn’t close his eyes without seeing a flash of metal and a spray of red. The pain in his heart didn’t ease, it never stopped but only seemed to intensify. His every breath was a shard of glass in his lungs and sides. His blood felt like a poison in his own veins. His heartbeat gradually making him sick to his stomach. What so special about him, that the universe valued his life over Keith. Over someone so perfect and strong. Lance was done accommodating to the universe. He was done hurting and being alone. Done feeling empty and broken. If he had been braver about it sooner, Keith would have still been alive and no one would be hurting. No one would truly miss him that much. No one would care that someone so useless had been removed from existence. Removed from something he didn’t deserve. Grabbing his bayard, Lance walked to the showers, turning the water on in all of the showers but staying fully clothed. He’d learned that if he wanted a different gun type, his bayard would change for him, taking the size and shape of anything from a handgun to an assault rifle. This time, he choose a smaller pistol, its hilt fitting perfectly in his palm, like all of his weapons did. The barrel of the gun was cool against his temple, his finger wrapping around the trigger seamlessly. Lance could barely hear his own voice over the hissing of the showers, he slid down against a shower wall, not caring that his clothing was becoming soaked. Tears had started down his cheeks as he spoke. “I’ll see you soon Keith…” The blast of the electronic pulse echoed through the bathroom but Lance wasn’t left to hear it, his hand dropped to the wet tile and his pain stopped, but at what cost?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read this far, this was my first fanfiction that I've ever posted. If you have any recommendations, let me know. I will be uploading more fanfictions soon. Most will be Klance or Shklance.


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